EPISODE 3

 Preview: I know that if you’re somebody listening to this and you’re gonna go after something it’s not just gonna as rock you might say it’s not just gonna be sunshine and rainbows.

(Intro music plays)

What is up crew. Happy Friday. This is the very first Fan Question Friday or FQF as it’s gonna be called. So I wanna kind of give start up this podcast episode giving a little bit of context what this episode is. I’mma take the advice from my buddy John Lee Dumas from episode two. And in that episode John Lee Dumas suggested to me that I lean into my strengths and one of the things that he saw with me is somebody that wants to be vulnerable and real and raw and transparent and that’s the aim of this podcast. The aim with what I do with my youtube show millionaire case study and if you follow me on social media, it’s definitely the aim of what I try to live by. As a matter of fact had a big thing I released this week on social media that let my friends and family know my decision to leave religion and that’s been a big of stir been honestly hard to get off of my mind but kind of part of the point of what I want to talk about on this episode. So again this episode’s Fan Question Friday it’s gonna be something that I talk about that has been a fan question something that has been asked me either on social media on email and stuff like that. But before I get totally into the content, I wanna invite you to the to community so one thing I want to do with this podcast too is like allow people to come together in a community for conversation.

And so I have a Facebook group that I put together that you can request to join. I very specifically don’t want to just have a Facebook page I want to have a Facebook group so that it’s people there that are requesting to join that have come across it by being on this podcast. So the link to get to the Facebook group is to go to calvinwayman.com/podcastgroup. So again calvinwayman.com/podcastgroup go there it will forward over to the facebook group. We’ll be putting all of the podcast episodes in there so you can like talk to/or see all the content in one place all the episodes in one place but the other cool thing is you can then engage and interact with other listeners like how many podcasts do you listen to and then you don’t really get a carry on the conversation. This is just a way that I want people to be able to get together and kind of develop a community around it. And I’m trying to decide if that’s where I’m going to do giveaways as well as in the group or overall and my social media. But something else I want to know is something that I’m committed to do every single episode is giving something away. So on episode one I gave away a headset. I was a headset or a microphone from Michael O’Neal’s episode because that was something he talked about and podcasting on Episode 2. I gave away a freedom journal not opened John Lee Dumas’s freedom journal on this episode. I’m going to give away a signed copy of my book “Fish Out of Water”.

 So how you get access to that how you can like reentered to win something on every episode. Right now it’s going to be reviews for the show. So if you are someone that wants to win something cool if you’re liking in the podcast so far. Head over to iTunes and make a review. I’mma find a super easy way to do this on future episode like maybe going to calvinwayman.com/podcast review and factor if you want to try that right now. Maybe by the time I’m done with this podcast I’ll have it created. I want to make it easy to just go to the show and review it but if I figure out a way to review it will find the review. You’re entered into win right now is the best time to do a review because there’s very few that are actually up there yet so that you have a very big likelihood of winning a prize on every podcast. So yeah that’s the price for this episode is to win a copy a signed copy of my book “Fish Out of Water” so hope you like that.

 Now let’s talk into the topic that I wanna bring up on this episode. So I wanna talk about the poop THE POOP as I’m calling it the poop or the shit that comes from going after your dream or what going after what feels right. This is a question I get all the time in different forms. Like how do you go about it. How do you go about it when it’s harder it’s going against what people think or a believer. How do you face the fear. And I think it’s important to talk about mostly because we see so many people story of success and we have no idea how they got there or we think that it probably happened in a very smooth way.

 And I find that type of thinking dangerous for your success and the reason I think it’s dangerous is if you think that somebody is path to success was just smooth sailing and then you go at it. If you go after your goal and your dream or whatever it is for you.

 Chances are you’re going to hit into some break walls. You’re gonna have some stumblings. You’re going to just have a really tough time especially in the early stages. And if you thought it was supposed to be smooth then some deadly thought will come over you and that deadly thought is something must be wrong with me and that’s not true. So I and I bring this up because I certainly had this beginning my journey like when I was first getting started into in entrepreneurship and going after my dream of quitting my day job and things like that I started going after it and man it was fucking hard. It was hard. There were some crappy days and I wanna get deeper into that. And the reason I wanna get into is I thought that there must be something deeply wrong with me. Or maybe it wasn’t meant for me. Maybe I should have just gone back as an employer or maybe I was biting off more than I could through. All these thoughts or maybe I just wasn’t good enough because I was comparing myself to another person that was way far ahead or worse. I was comparing it to their best side and not seeing the human side that they had dealt with in their journey to their success. And since going through all this process and since hanging out with so many amazing people. I’ve learned something.

They’re human beings.

  Not only are they human beings they go through struggles too. Even the one that you think are so successful. And so I just want to lay out there some of the stuff that I’ve gone through in my journey and still continue to go through to open up the dialogue because I know if you’re listening to this right now whether you’re getting up to go to the gym or you’re on your commute to work or you’re on a jog or walk in I know that you’re listening to this because there’s something that you want to do. You want to learn you want to go after something. I know that about you because that’s who I was and I want you to just know if you’re looking at me if you follow me on social media if I’m on the path that you want to be on. Maybe you’re seeing me travel more. Build my business more now that I have a podcast I have a book and that’s something you want to do. Like you can freak do it like there’s nothing special about me. And I’ve certainly had my ups and my downs something that I haven’t shared a whole lot.

 That I wanna just kind of talk about here is like when I first quit my job to go after. First of all it felt right. It felt good when I said you know like I quit it I quit my day job. But then 24 hours passed and went 24 hours past. It was like a kick in the gut. It was like holy shit what am I going to do. I have a wife I have a 1 year old.

Now, things are going to get, things are serious I got to figure something out. And there was a ton of anxiety. A ton of depression even, not knowing what it was that I was going to do. And it’s been that way many times throughout my journey doing things like not knowing like what’s where should I turn what should I do next. And like I could give you very specific times like there were times when I after quitting my day job I decided to go door to door sales to give myself. The tenacity worth the drive I guess or the toughness that is needed to be an entrepreneur. 

And there were times though. In that were so challenging emotionally like in some ways I’m glad I didn’t know what was gonna be that hard mentally and emotionally because I don’t know if I would quit my day job as scary as that thought is to me now and it at least may have been delayed in a really big way. But there were times in my journey where I physically was under so much stress and mental anxiety that I threw up I physically vomited for no other reason except I was under so much stress and anxiety for the stuff that I was going through. There was other times where I got so anxious not knowing what to do or where to turn or the direction to go that I lost of like ten pounds in a week’s period there were times where in my work especially when I was early in my entrepreneurial journey doing door to door where I had several deals cancel. So after I already got paid on them they canceled and I had roughly like fifteen thousand dollars. That was basically frozen on my bank account.

Why am I telling you all this? Sounds like a horror story. The first thing I make sure I’m not talking I don’t want people to think I’m talking you out of entrepreneurship or going after the thing that you want to go after. The reason I talk about it is I know that if you’re somebody listening to this and you’re gonna go after something it’s not just gonna as Brocky might say it’s not just gonna be sunshine and rainbows. And I want you to know that when you do hit those things it’s part of the process. The fact that you’re going after it that’s the win. And that’s something I had to remind myself. There’s all of this stuff that goes along with it it’s part of the journey and, and I’ve had a lot of many good things that have come from it because I kept going through things like finally getting to the point where I became debt free or getting to the point where I now made six figures plus in my business and things of that nature. And there’s also some keys that I think would be better worth noting. In all this and again the biggest thing I wanna just document on this episode is there is poop in the decision to go after it and it’s something that not very many people want to talk about but it’s real and it’s there. And it certainly has for me and another people that that have been in my circle but something that has helped. Like one of the things that gave me a lot of anxiety throughout many of the journey is worrying about whether I made the right decision or not. Like I would wonder what is my passion what direction should I go. Here’s what I know. If you’re going to make progress you have to make a fucking decision you must decide.

 You must decide something. You must decide and then you must do. But the problem is we know that we need to make a decision to move. But then once we make a decision we start to worry about whether we made the right decision or not. And this is something that I learned, I learned that the most successful people that you know that you look up to not only are they really good at making decisions but they don’t worry if they made the right decision or not. Instead they make a decision and then they make it right. What that means for me and again I’ll say it again.

 Successful people don’t worry if they made the right decision or not. Instead they make a decision and then they make it right. It’s not the point of decision that’s the end all and be all you have to make the decision to move to take steps forward to progress but whether it was the right decision or not is most likely not determined at that point of decision. It’s what you do after the decision has made that counts it’s the energy and the attention and everything that you put in after it. When I came to the realization of that it took away a lot of stress cause most of my stress are a big bunch of my stress was worrying about if I was doing the right thing or not. But when I just realized why I made the decision so man behave as though it was the right one. Then things helped quite a bit. And so I tell you that because I think that will help you with any poop that you deal with.

 Now one of the things that is most likely something that you could deal with, if you’re going after something like your dream or the thing that feels right in addition to any of the internal chatter of worthiness if you’re good enough. One of the biggest fears we have I think as people is letting people down or worrying about what people in our immediate circle think. And man when you go after it especially if you’re doing something like maybe you’re putting yourself out there more in a public way like on social media.

 I’ll be honest you might become a target. But it’s part of the game and I want to give something that has helped me there as well. Because if you’re going to really make a difference in people’s lives if you’re going to make an impact for good on other people then that’s just gonna be part of the process it’s gonna be part of the game you’re going to have people that just piss on you. And some things that have helped me there is listening to people like Grant Cardone or Gary Vaynerchuk seeing the hate that Tyler has gets and realize that that’s part of it. Like literally when I got my first hater at first it was intimidating but then I celebrated it because that meant I was making a big enough difference to that people would notice and if a hater would notice that then maybe I could make enough attention for good. But as you go after something and you worry about what people think and like. One thing that might come to you that it’s happened with me and it’s happened with people that I’ve coached are good friends that have gone after it. You’re gonna have a lot of people that put in their two cents or their opinion or their advice for you. And that can be a little bit of a mind fuck because it can be people that you love and that you care about telling you what you should do or what you shouldn’t do this can be very very confusing as somebody trying to follow what really feels right and somebody going after your dream. And it certainly has been for me in many areas.

 I’ll tell you one story specifically and then something that helped me get through this like I remember when I first started posting things publicly on social media. People look at me now they think I’ve always been public like the fact that I have a podcast and I’m on social media and I have shows like that’s insane. Like five years ago like my 5 year younger self would have been mind blown and probably scared out of his mind if he saw this coming. But I was so intimidated over the idea. Of being out there publicly on social media that when I first got on Facebook I was afraid to even put a real photo of myself as a profile picture. Just to give you context of how shy I was. In fact I had a picture of Calvin the comic strip from Calvin and Hobbes for years and then I even deleted my social media because kind of the cultural pressure of what I was around as though social media was bad and like you shouldn’t be so public. And so I deleted it for a while and then I finally got back on. But even when I got back on I was still shy and afraid of for people to see. And then even when I was on it like I was a lurker I would look at content and I was I would never almost never even like content or even comment because I was afraid of being either judged or being found out. So I get being shy and I tell you that because if you look at my stuff right now people think oh I’ve always been this out going out on the spot like thing. But it’s been a freakin’ process.

 But when I first started stepping out I’ll never forget a time I went to a party. I went to a party with a lot of family and friends there. And this was when I was in quite vulnerable spot because I’d never really put myself out there in a public way. Then put real pictures of myself on social media and I started shooting videos, videos around things that I believed in or knew like around sales and I go to this party and some of my friends are drinking and then one of my friends just comes up to me and is like Calvin! Dude! What are you doing? I was like what you mean like. Like what do you do on social media? like what are you trying to do?. Like come on. It was almost like it was like kind of making fun of a little bit. And then he just like you know Please just stop! like we we’ve all been faking it we’ve all been like several people have been afraid to come up to you. But we like we’ve just been talking about it like you’re about to hurt yourself like whatever you’re doing it’s too much stop! just please! like back out stop doing it we’ll pretend it never happened.

And that took me a back a little bit because the things he said were thoughts that I already had about myself when I was shooting those videos I would rewatch him and like men I look like an idiot or I don’t even know what I’m talking about or like who’s going to listen to me. I had all those thoughts honestly before anybody gave them to me. And then when he said it. It was like validation. I was like shit. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s not just my thoughts maybe it’s the universe really telling me that that was my wrong path and I should be more private and back away from what it feels like I’m meant to do.

And I was in a very tumultuous time for just a little bit there. But then there’s something that pulled me out and I wanna share that here and I think it’s that kind of the main thing that will be a theme that I hope you can use it’s certainly given guidance for me and where I’ve been in my journey of like daring to do things bigger and beyond my comfort zone. And it’s this I don’t even know where I picked it up.

 

 But when this person said these things the thing that ultimately helped me get past it and was helped me get past so many struggles since then of people looking at me you’re judging me you’re putting their two cents in or giving me advice.

 There are two questions that I ask myself and I asked myself then I asked now in every piece of advice I get and these are the two questions I asked the first question I asked is this person in the same game as I am.

 That’s the first thing is this person in the same game as I am is he playing the same game. Is he going after the same thing for example is this person like does he get it. Is he on the court.

 Is he actually doing it. Is he going after it because if they’re going after it then that person might have context in this particular instance when this person was telling me to stop doing this stuff on social media was he in the same game?

 He wasn’t. Not even close. It was an employee a friend a good friend cared about me loved me but was not in the same game.

 So the answer was no to that but there’s even a second question that even if it’s a yes to that they’re in the same game then there’s this other question you must ask there ask yourself. And that is would you trade places with this person in this area. Would you trade places.

 So what I believe is you have to take it. You take advice you’ve got to be careful where you take advice from when you’re in the game because if you’re putting yourself out there a lot of people are seeing you and you’re gonna have a lot of people giving you their two cents. Man I’ve been getting that a lot especially over the last couple of weeks and that was a big win that has helped me first are they in the game and would I trade places.

 One thing that’s important to note there is it’s not enough to ask if they care about you or if they love you.

 In late 2016. I did something crazy. I decided to run in a 50 mile ultra marathon. I’d never even run a marathon before. But it’s something that I wanted to do to push myself and challenge myself because I had a friend. Hello Rod. I read his book. Good dude and he was somebody that hated running and he went from hating running to skipping a marathon to running 50.

 So I was like if how can do it I can do it you know. And so I signed up for a 50 and so being excited. Go and tell my mom that I’m going to run a 50 and guess what she says.

 Well being the loving mom that she is being somebody that’s really concerned over me she said Calvin you can’t do that you’ll die. Please don’t do that!

 And she tried to talk me out of it. Now if I would have that could have been a huge conflict for me. When she came to that but instead of being caught in a conflict I’d ask was she in the same game as I was and would I trade places.

 Well she was my mom and even though I love her to death I couldn’t say that she was in the same game. She had never done any long races and I certainly wouldn’t necessarily trade places with her in that respect. Now would I have traded her places with her if she was telling me how to cook a turkey on Thanksgiving. Absolutely. I love her turkey. Like if she was telling me to do that she’s in the same game and I would want to trade places I wouldn’t want to trade places on how to cook turkey but in that experience and that specific thing I couldn’t say that there was something I would have traded places with.

 So in that way I couldn’t take that advice. But here’s the thing this also works when it doesn’t feel too good. Like I I’ve had other experiences where I’ve had a good friend and mentor of mine give me advice on how I should behave at business events.

 Because there was something that I did I had I put like my product on somebody’s table that the person who had the table said that I could but I did not pay to sponsor but the person that did pay the sponsor said I could have my product there. But what it looked like to the event person was I was being a shady little asshole trying to get out of sponsorships but still get the benefit from it. And so this person chewed me out for doing it. And I’ll be honest when he was chewed me out I first in my head was saying you know what fuck you I know my intentions I wasn’t trying to to be shady. The person I knew who owned the table really said I could like it if like the person I could they can put whatever they want. Right. But as he was chewing me out I then had to ask myself those two those two questions. Number one was this person in the same game as I was. He sure was. He was somebody that has been in the entrepreneur game long before I was. And then I had to ask would I trade places well I sure would. He has spoken on many more stages getting paid a lot more and doing really really well. So as tough as it was even though I knew that my intention was good when he was giving me that advice. I had to take it and swallow it and adjust.

So I think that’s where I just want to wrap this for this episode for fan question Friday is.

 First of all again just opening up the dialogue and the conversation that when you’re going after something bigger you are gonna have poop. And again I’m dealing with it right now in many ways with my decision to be transparent and stuff like I made a post on social media recently disclosing to all my friends and loved one my decision to that I don’t I’m no longer subscribed to the religion. I’d been up in for the last 30 years and it’s tough because I have so many people that love me that are now angry and just a lot of backlash that’s coming from it. But it’s coming from me following something that I feel is right. And I’ve just think that this is a conversation that isn’t had very often that when you follow what’s right you do. Are you there will be some of this stuff. That’s tough. And I think it’s important to know because if you go after it and you start feeling this stuff you might think that there’s something wrong with you. There’s not. I’m going to navigate this fight this period as an entrepreneur or as somebody growing I know I mean a hit into other walls and other obstacles there’s gonna be times that are tough but I just have to believe that staying true to that course staying true to what I feel is right. Knowing that life is long and that I’m going after the best of intentions that it will play out. Some people may not see it in the beginning at the beginning. They make me make fun of you. There’s this awesome quote. I don’t even really know something like that.

 First they’ll make fun of you to laugh at you they’ll hate you but then they’ll love you. And I think that come from sticking to it. Going after and saying I’m going to do this because this feels right and people I think will come to a respect that’s who you are because you stuck to it even though you’ve faced all of the trials and the adversity that inevitably comes after comes from going after what you want. So again just closing I think it’s really cool. One thing that’s helped me is to instead of worrying about if you made the right decision or not act as though you did make the right one decide then make it right. And then of course any advice that you get on the way of people that are very willing to give you their two cents. Are they in the game? Would you trade places with them?

 So thank you so much for listen to The Curious with Calvin Wayman Podcast. This was the first Fan Question Friday if you want to ask a question or have something that wants that could potentially be on the podcast. Probably the very best place to ask that will be in the Facebook group. That’s probably the very best place for me to see it. Is if you go to calvinwayman.com/podcastgroup that’s how you’ll be able to get in the group. But I’m also gonna need to come up with a hashtag I think and I’m just gonna save let why don’t we do a hashtag #FanQuestionFriday. I don’t know if that’s have big hashtag right now but we’ll use that right now so if you ask a question that you want to be answered on next week’s episode of Fan Question Friday then go ahead and ask a question on any of the social media channels Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or in the Facebook group. And again goal in the facebook group by the goin’ on calvinwayman.com/podcastgroup and I would love to see if I can get your question answered on the next episode. Also this episode I’m giving away a signed copy of “Fish Out of Water” so how do you get a raffle ticket for you to chance to win a signed copy of my book of “Fish Out of Water”. Don’t leave of review for The Curious with Calvin Wayman Podcast right now and for somebody that has left a review for friday the 19th moving forward that is somebody that is in and you are physically, literally, and officially enrolled have a raffle ticket for this episode’s jour so please don’t leave to review that means the autonomy and you put in the drown assign copy of facial of water thank you guys so much for listening I’m Calvin Wayman you’re listening to The Curious with Calvin Wayman Podcast and I hope you have a great rest and have a happy friday!